I just fOunD a Long Lost Friend@ Bag

 hA HA HA i found this bag,A BLACK GARBAGE bag and just guess who i found. lol wow this that i found i had when i was very very young like 5 to 10 or so. I remember taking My M every where expeciallu on the airplane and Carl would get mAD at me hehehe... 

TODAY is a day that yes is a HOLIDAY but when i was young today marked the last night in rochester. ME AND Carl when we were young Use to allways without a doubt go to meXico on the 5th of july. Ritually. Cant believe that my Mom has still not contacted me. what a shame. I love her i forgive her.

 But for her to go on without me isvery Shocking. If she studyied Kabbalah as she claims she does. or any religion for that fAct then she would Not possibl;y be able to do this to me. What she is doing...................................

++ it is.... this entire situation.... teh entire thing is  all of hate and anger and the negative. I do think about her alot. the lady called mom.... 

 i was so close to her and it s annoying to me. that i was wrong about her heart. for if i had her number or email i would contact her.or even her exact contact. 

I BEGAN TO DREAM AGAIN. THINKING WHAT THEY SAY. LOVE CANT DIE. REAL LOVE CAN STAND THE TEST AND THE WARs/ TRIALS OF LIFE AND THEN SOME.

---- the  THINGS THAT R REAL LOVE I KNOW TRUE LOVE CAN NOT END.

i loved her. to forgive her for her actions thaT Weather she understands or not... left massive scars and pain in botTH of her Boys.  Yet we the ones who come for the ones who fall in love... we Born innocent to Humans in the midst of blind love.  Babies of Blind love end up becoming responsible for Hurting the blind ones life's for the fact that there choice to do what the lived in the past, In truth is the One who is to blame ( why cant some see that. Blind love has faded yet the creators of me  of many of us. Turn us into Messes and then Have the balls to say...... We put them threw hell. ... Crazy

how Can you make mistakes..... Bring my humanity to my soul to love and live the day i come threw. and  kill the very foundation ( which wouldbe love/ykids.) that your standing on.  Do they assume that  we became and  lived life the way we did for the road you laid in our path. the actions and blind love  that created life you  in turn threw your god given gifts in hell for a life time. to a young developing mind. soul. human. rThen blame the ones you created. 

Even tho i Apologised so many times. to her..... she  is worth the swallowing of my pride. But she has Made a huge  window for me to see straight into her heart-soul... WHICH  make me think to never allow this "MOM" back into my heart. Its a wierd feelimg i love her. i know that. But i am so awakened by what became. THAT my god  has told me and given me thoughts to not allow this "mom"  Back in again.. Yes i love her. But who is she i wonder......

the day i got on my knees and humbled myself and apologised for love. not for admitaance of wrong doing wjaythats whatnmade the bomb go bang, When i did so much for Her in this recent trip to meXico. Yet she Could not see beyond small negative things to allow the love of all i did for her to override her system. The neagativaty, the lies , the truth i sawe and felt  that day. "mom" instead of healing a love. "kabbalah" continuesd to cut her son... just commit suicide on me. come one. Sorry is a word that brings peace. Unesen by  some or unheard.  

The words pass by as if ,your her son .who you are. who forgave her many mistakes and flaws and cause of a lifetime of pain, forgave her ways...Yet "MOM" KILLS YOU... 

maybe/ ubMaybe she was so used to who i was on drugs that she was so use to controlling me and having me at her mercy for the $$$$$$$$$$bGreen so i could get high..... Then i get clean  and she Fuckgsjasssss mY WORLD APArt. i mean. what kiNd of parent >women - do such a horrible thing to her son, when he is finally healing.

 from a life time of pain anger confusion depression sickeness. WHAT KIND OF MOM?  would be so twisted that Her blood would be a sacrafice so that she could be right. SO that she could keep the pride she can buy.  She never even said sorry for all the shit she did to me/ yet my heart rules me. noT the Xash. Cash The Peso of a rich lady.  I should have known that this would happen. i mean she did chooose a country over her own Kids. Really ... still to this day i cant understand a good enough reason to cHOOSe..... to live without Pure LOve..

 unfountunately iwas born with a really big heart so i would choose to love rather than hate her for such a selfish and unlovng act. Now that i am here in this thought and this event in my life. I wonder who she is. do i even know her. The person i loved. who is she. did i just love her and accept her cause her name was mom. did i allow her to pass go for love. or the money she fed me and my brother. like love. i would rather had been poor and had a mom than had a mom i hardley knew that i allowed to. The confusion created by the money can kill love. 

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS TOLD THE WEEK BEFORE WE MOVED TO THE NEW HOUSE. THAT i WAS a SON IN LINE TO RECIVE A pretty BIG iNHERINTENCE. mY  stepfather a man  i am not linked to but threw air and a mother had let me know that i was In this mANS will ?  

YES THE WEEK BEFORE WE MOVED TO gUADaLaJara. I was told My nAME IS A  WILL OF A VERY RICH MAN. guarenteed no worries for my life the day they transform from this to forever. 

YOU  would have slaved yourself. for  this ... For this Future, i on the other hand. Told them !! Told Him !!!!!!!!!!!

I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. TAKE ME OFF YOUR WILL. I AM NOT A SLAVE NOR WILL I EVER ALLOW SOME MONEY TO  DEMAND ME TO BE TREATED LIKE A PERSON WHO SHOULD JUST BE BLIND AND THANKFUL. MY LOVE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME. WHICH IS SOMETHING I REALIZED IN THIS. MY FREEDOM AND SELF RESPECT. MY SOUL AND HUMANITY CANNOT OR WILL NOT ALLOW THE THOUGHT OF lOTS OF MONEY TO FINISH MY HUMANITY IN COMFORT OVER SHADOW. RIGHTS AND WRONGS. RESPECT AND  PEACE. 

i SAW THIS GIANT pRESIDENT WHO HAS LIVED A LIFE WITH ALOT OF COCKSUCKERS SERVING BOWING SELLING THEMSELF TO THIS MAN WHO IS AGAIN ONLY AN MAN. I FELT HIS ATTEMPTS TO TURN OUT MY TRUTH. tHIS man who has never battled anyone willing to lose money. over truth and the pure uncapable of making me get on my knees and just obey. or allowing his ATTEMPTS TO CONTROL ME EVER BECOME REALITY,  I KNOW HE HAS SOMETHING. HE WAS A PRESIDENT. POWER ...WHEN I SAW THIS MAN I HAD RESPECTED FOR THE TITLE AND $$$ . 

tHE DAY HE RETIRED AND I SAW THE REAL MAN. i COULD NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE PLAYED BY SUCH A WEAK PERSON. THE GAMES HE WOULD PLAY. HIS INSECURITYS. HIS  COMPLEYE OPPOSITE FROM WHAT HIS JOB MADE HIM THREW OUT HIS LIFE I SAW. a WEAK MAN...... a INSECURE, manipulativem, lazy. unthoughtful completely full of lies that he was so use to telling and being king with no one to stand to him. he attempted to play me like his daily president Dupont days. Not this time. I never can forgive that man for i seen him in action. and i completely know that , He was the one who had everything to gain..... by this that happened between me and my mother. unfountunately the money can blind people. even people who know better. even people who love eachother.. but not with me.