Still cannot believe my mom has not reach out to me.

I am so so shocked  that my mom has still not tried to contact me. I have no way of contacting her but to go there and  knock on the door. Yet she has all my information.
Today i was cropping a bunch of scaned pictures my mom had that i have. Going threw that process maybe brought this blog into existance.
I just cant for the life of me truly believe that she has not forgaven me or dropped her ego in order to create peace. It does hurt i am not gonna lie. Its so silly how one thing can make a mothers heart disappear. I have to realize that she is not a mother like the common mom. she does not have that bond that A mother and a Child have since she has been so distant my entire life. So i can believe its easy for her to go on without me. I mean shes got the world by the balls. How hard could it be. The only thing she had to adjust to is not talking to someone on the phone every week. Its still bothersome.
It kills me most because i have always held her in such a high place in my life. I assumed who she was when i connected with her was truth. Yet when put to the test of life. you realize and you see people's truth.
Tho what happened was extreme. like  other Relationship out there not pain Free. thats why its a fight. Now knowing and seeing what this showed me i am grateful for it. Even tho i still mourn her loss like i have forever. Its only my heart and soul that is the price.
She lead me the way to Kabbalah which totally goes against the void she is embarking on. The hate she is  sleeping with just to keep her ego happy. Sad truly sad. You know what they say tho. You could have all the tools to spirituality that means nothings. When you have spirituality. you Make peace heal wounds and let go and you accept responsibility and take action on you actions that made this what it became. Not dwell with resentment and hate. And not even attempt to heal the wound. Thats sad.
I just miss her. Not her money I am doing great without it.
I just miss her love i thought she was made up of. No matter how far away she was form me. I felt loved. eaither she's a genius or she's a mom. But a mom would love. Call. try.
I believe in my heart of hearts that eventually things will heal. I believe in love. so so deeply.
Not in anyway am i saying she was the cause of the entire situation. I have come to terms with my errors. Knowing what i know to not do so is not worth it. let go. Be free.