" YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK "

Wednesday July 21, 2010 

"If you want to know who you are, observe your thoughts.
What’s circling up there? Regret, hate, fear? Optimism, excitement, passion?
Today, you are what you think. Start with simple statements - I am happy, I am safe, I am peaceful." Daily Kabbalah Tune up

you are what you think. 


i strongly agree this works. tho many would have us think otherwise. our minds have the ability to be altered for the good or the bad in and at any time in our life. it all depends on "what you think" even tho i was addicted to drugs.


i have changed my thoughts of thinking. rather than constantly dwelling on the negativity of not being able to enjoy the effects of drugs, i focus more on the damage they did when i was not feeling the effects. over time like anything you think it you become it.

i continued to alter my negative thoughts. also having to alter others perceptions on what road makes me who i am and will become. its certainly not as easy as i wish i could tell you. constantly battling the thoughts that only serve to keep them alive and strong.and you held down. can be very hard. the negative thoughts that keep us sick are stronger than the positive things we can't taste with just one hit. or one pill...

that which you get from overcoming that which we and our negative thinking and behaviours get us enslaved in . is an everlasting high of peace in mind. that can only become when you truly allow yourself to believe "YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK" that's how i think...


Lately this is what i have been doing thinking living. Yet it seems that this is not good enough for others. I admit i have been in group for a long time. I was doing so great before my trip to Mexico in February of this year. Now for the past four of five months I have been not doing as well as i was before i left. I am told this by staff at group. I know this to be true in a half and half respect. I have been very complacent with groups and meetings and appointments and my medication with my treatment at URMC since i came back from Mexico. I have many reasons for this being so. Even tho i have not used 1 Drug since 05-17-2009. 


When i came back from Mexico I had to deal with the loss of my mother. something that i feel i have grieved about and have overcome. I had  to deal with the infections that began in Mexico that tore my face apart and still to this day have not completely healed. The not knowing of what they are. whats going on kills me. With every test taken that says everything is clear and negative. This infection that became is something that kept me inside from the world for the fact of the horror they produced to my face. Then moving from there to my new home. Even tho these things fit in less than 5 sentences the impact of living threw them was so much longer and so much to overcome. Now i am thinking that the infections or sores I am getting are due to stress. But i don't feel stressed so maybe I am stressed and i am not feeling it but transferring it into the sores.


I think i have overcome my drug addiction. I know that my handling of my behaviours, which as my councilor says are apart of the drug relationship have declined. I don't attribute in my thinking my recent behaviours missing appointments etc... (mentioned above) to be part of Drugs but more so part of that which i have been dealing with since I came home from Mexico. Which in my mind makes sense but in the minds of URMC its the Drugs silently sneaking back up in my life waiting to pounce on me.  I am thankful they see this. that they make me aware of what they see think and feel. No matter what behaviours i am exhibiting i have absolutely no desire to do Drugs. I just Desire to be who i was before i went to Mexico. I was to be rid of the constant tiredness that seems to wipe me out for days at a time. Even being on Cocerta for my ADD it still is no match for the lack of energy i seem to feel. No matter how many Monsters i drink The energy i had seems to come and go and come and go. I want to be rid of these sores i am either producing on my own due to the way i handle stress or something i acquired when i was in Mexico that i nor the doctors know about. Or it could be some type of Disease that like on those TV shows where they are misdiagnosed until the symptoms in a year or 10 become worse. That would explain the tiredness the behaviour changes since i came back. To many unknown thoughts that surround me. 





I am what i Think. if i constantly think the way they do. that this addiction is something i can never outwit outsmart outlast. will i ? If i think that no matter what i do. what road i travel. The life i am building can be torn right back down at any min.. because that's what they say. why go that way? In a sense Freedom and Life is out there waiting. For me i strongly believe that anything is possible. when i sit and look at humanity and the things multiple things we as humans have overcome and become when others said it was impossible to .... I Feel the fire of possibility's bu ring in side. Nothing is out of the question. Nothing. Tho they say my road is paved and that's the way it is. If i think it. I will become it. an addict for life. Believing that one last taste is out there and part of my process. what hope would that give me. if i agreed and now walked and thought and became what they teach. I am what i think.  i think i will never relapse again. I am what i think.  


This too correlates into my recent behaviours. my lack of being proactive with my behaviour which has been effected by the way outside forces and situations have made me act these past month's since Mexico are not what i am. i see them i am aware of that which i must change. With time i will continue to Grow stronger. as the past and the Drama of it fade away. The past few months have been a tough road. I had every reason to use. My mind never even thought about it. For i know. when i am with me. When i think, when i am. I know that i am with what i have been dealing with I have done an amazing job. I cannot allow others who see only 2% of my life to assume i have to change my current road or beliefs. I must just be awear that they see 2% and what they think. Is not me. If i think they are right. I am what i think. I appreciate the lesson i learn from all these things. no matter the rough road i have to drive on to get threw it. the lesson in it. is far more valuable at the end than in the middle. that is fact. In the midst of the life when the path is developing. it is something difficult and testing. yet to be able to get to know, and digest it and understand it. speaks so loud. 


I am what i Think. If i believe that i will never be free from drugs. why try now. Because i Know what i feel inside. i think i am what i am. I am what i think.